Life Lessons

Want to Keep my Individuality and be Married

Many people think that when you get married, you lose your individuality. This does not have to be. If you are with the right person, you should be able to keep your individuality and be happily married. The person who loves you will accept you as you are with slight improvements (if any). If your husband or wife tries to change you, then maybe he or she is looking for someone else whom you happen to look alike but that person is not you at all. Everyone has their own individuality and if you lose yours then it is likely that you will be unhappy, even if you are able to be happy in the short run, and your marriage will not last.

Changing myself and keeping my individuality

When you get married, you are effectively working as a team with your spouse or partner. As with all team work, you need to compromise and cannot have it all your way. But, compromising does not mean losing your individuality.

For example, you used to watch TV all day when you were single and now when you are married you want to continue to watch TV all day and not do any housework. Some people think that being nagged about doing housework or chores and not being able to do whatever they used to be able to is losing their individuality. After they are married, they are seeing less of their old friends and doing fewer and fewer of the 'single' activities.

Changing your lifestyle from a single lifestyle to a marriage lifestyle is not losing your individuality. Going from a single person to a married person is more of a transforming your individuality. After all, when you were young you probably like some food that you now don't like and hated something that you now love, right? Individuality is the same way. When you were single, you liked something and when you made a decision to get married, you are actively deciding to operate as a couple and your individuality as a married person has your spouse in the picture.

You don't have to change everything about yourself

While as a married person you work as a team, you make decisions as a team with your husband or wife, and so on, you don't have to shed every bit of individuality. You can still like the food you like, like the colors you like, choose your hobbies, etc. There is a fine line between changing yourself to operate as team and being totally under your spouse's control. If you are the latter, then maybe it is time to have a chat with your spouse and get some of your individuality back.

Remember, some individuality you can get back such as what books to read in your spare time, what food to order at restaurants, and what hobbies to take when you are not taking care of your family. Don't ask for things that will revert you from a married and dedicated family person into a single person again. For example, don't ask to never do any housework again unless your spouse don't have to either, don't ask to go out with the friends whom insulted your spouse, etc.